Hockey

Game #40 – Scrape for a Dollar, You’ll Die Smilin’, Learnin’ the Same Lessons Once Again – Hawks 2, Jackets 2 (Hawks Win Malort-Chugging Contest)

Box Score Natural Stat Trick Afternoon hockey always has the agonizing sting of digging out an ingrown hair from your inner thigh with a hot pin and missing. And for the first 40 minutes, it remained a tradition unlike any other. But a tip here, and a couple of redemptions there, and the Hawks come […]
Hockey

Game #36 – You’ll Wear a Dress, Baby I’ll Wear a Tie, We’ll Laugh at That Ol’ Bloodshot Moon in That Burgundy Sky – Hawks 4, Jets 1

Box Score Natural Stat Trick Sometimes, all you need are a couple of individually brilliant performances. The Hawks had all the consistency and cleanliness of a Taco Bell–hosted afterparty toilet bowl, but came away with a decently dominant victory. Let’s wrap it. – Patrick Kane gave as many fucks as he could tonight. When that […]
Hockey

Game #29 – I Got the Glass, I Got the Steel, I Got Everything, All I Need Is Your Head on a Stake – Hawks 1, Devils 1 (Hawks Win Scotchgard-Huffing Contest)

Box Score Natural Stat Trick The Hawks win a game that looked like mononucleosis on ice. There were some really nice highlights from guys you care about, too. Let’s keep it tight, cuz it’s a drinkin’ night. – Corey Crawford might not get his number retired. He probably won’t make the Hall of Fame. But […]
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