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Fireside Chat

Guys, I have a problem.

They say the first step to overcoming addiction is admitting you have a problem. After I stayed up well past 11 on Wednesday night and fist pumped and high-fived a bunch of imaginary friends, I realized I indeed have a problem.

I hate the Colorado Avalanche. Nay, I hate Patrick Roy. Unfortunately, he was hired to be the head coach and director of hockey operations for the Colorado Avalanche and therefore, I now hate the Colorado Avalanche. When you combine the fact that in only 14 games Patrick Roy has already made them one of the more unlikeable teams in the NHL, well, we can only imagine what they’re going to be like a season from now.

I want to see the Avalanche lose every game. I want them to be embarrassed in every game. I want Patrick Roy to be a colossal failure. I want him to never get a NHL coaching job ever again.

Roy had a proven track record of being an ass-bag to the ninth degree before he took the Avalanche post this year. This year, he’s going to new heights to make sure everyone is aware of what a pompous unaware ass he is.

It started with his first game when he acted like a deranged lunatic on Bruce Boudreau. Of course, the Avalanche started off their season on fire so no one cared. One of the most annoying things about sports is that you can be a complete bag so long as you win. Because, you know, that’s always more important than acting like a respectful human being.

Then, of course, there’s the Semyon Varlamov mess. It’s articles like this that make me weep for humanity. First off, it takes more than four seasons of lottery picks before a team can be deemed “long-suffering” but that’s beside the point.

What really irks me about the article (and not to just pick on this article because there have been plenty others with the same tone) is that it is one long “blame the victim for being a money-grubbing whore” love letter to Varlamov, Patrick Roy and the Avalanche. I think we’re all realistic about cases like this. So long as Varlamov continues to play out of his mind and as long as the Avalanche are in the hunt for the playoffs, they will throw as much money at this case as it takes until the truth is buried under a pile of dollar bills even Scrooge McDuck would have a hard time butterfly stroking through.

Then, a few years from now, we’ll all say, “Who was that Avalanche goalie that got arrested for beating his girlfriend several times and kidnapping her? Whatever happened with that?” Because we’ve seen this played a million times over again.

Meanwhile, the other incredibly upsetting part is that Patrick Roy could give two-shits about it. Not that it’s all that surprising considering his track record. But when someone in a position of authority does nothing to take a stand against something that is clearly wrong,  that’s what is really disappointing. To be fair to Roy, there are plenty of other people in the Avalanche organization who could have made a stand against playing Varlamov immediately.

Should Varlamov be allowed to play now? My personal opinion is no but I do understand the reasons why he is.

What I do know is that just 48 hours after being arrested and spending the night in jail, the last place Varlamov should have been was inside a goalie crease in a NHL game. The message Roy and the Avalanche were sending was “We really don’t give a damn what kind of people you are. All we really care about is winning meaningless games in November. Because that’s what’s really important.”

While I’ve spent a lot of this season in a malaise, there are a few things that will get my proverbial juices flowing and the Avalanche losing is A number 1 on that list. So thanks for that, Patrick.

Good thing the Hawks have at least 6 games to go against them this year.

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