Hockey

Game #23 and #24 – Hawks vs. Stars: Hedley Lamarr’s Muggers, Buggerers, Bushwhackers

Corey Perry – Perhaps the king of all in this category. We were convinced the Hawks were doing to sign him this summer because they believe in “that element.” Maybe they realized he was another veteran who at least played with Keith, Toews, and Seabrook on Team Canada and would quickly see through Kelvin Gemstone’s shit and figured it wasn’t worth the risk. It’s gone all right for Perry so far in Dallas, but wait until the games pile up and he starts to break down. All he’ll have left are spears to the balls and punches to the back of the head through two linesmen after the whistle. This guy has been a coward his whole career and that’s while being 6-4. His permanent hang-dog expression only worsens it. We look forward to his retirement where he shuffles off to the Orange County dump to eat rats full time.

Jamie Benn – Can you call someone a twat when they’ve never seen one? Probably not.

Roman Polak – Conning yet another coach into thinking he isn’t an utter disaster. He’s Czech Seabrook, except without the passing skill and an actual beer fart for a face. More power to him for all the money’s he’s stolen, though.

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