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Hawks Record When…

’18-’19

Playing at home 18-14-8
Playing on road 17-19-4
Scoring first 25-7-9
Opponent scores first 11-26-3
Jesus freaks are protesting outside UC 0-0-0
Playing on a Monday  3-2-3
Playing on a Tuesday  4-5-0
Playing on a Wednesday  6-3-1
Playing on a Thursday 8-7-2
Playing on a Friday 2-2-2
Playing on a Saturday 8-7-2
Playing on a Sunday 5-7-2
Are out-muscled by opponent 1-20-3
Outshoot opponent 17-16-3
Are outshot by opponent 17-16-9
Patrick Kane scores

Patrick Kane looks like he couldn’t give a flying fuck

21-7-4

4-17-3

Jonathan Toews scores

Toews and Kane score

17-9-6

9-1-1

Artem Anisimov scores 8-5-1
KNEEL 11-5-2
Alex Fortin shits himself on great chance 5-10-1
Dylan Sikura looks like anything 17-7-3
Jokharju scores  0-0-0
Nick Schmaltz scores  Dylan Strome scores 3-6-1
Kahun scores 2-3-2
Duncan Keith scores 5-1-0
Duncan Keith sends shot into shins or glass 35-33-12
Top Cat scores 17-7-6
Brent Seabrook is allowed to play through concussion for no reason 0-0-0
Brent Seabrook plays as if concussed 11-18-6
Brent Seabrook scores 3-0-2
Brent Seabrook is scratched

Gustav Forsling scores

Eddie O bitches about analytics

3-1-0

2-1-0

11-17-7

Scoring a Power Play goal 21-12-6
Not scoring a Power Play goal 15-20-6
Power Play makes Baby Jesus cry 6-13-3
Allowing a Power Play goal 17-22-7
Not Allowing a Power Play goal 18-11-5
Scoring a short-handed goal 4-1-0
Allowing a short-handed goal 1-2-1
Score on two-man advantage 2-0-1
Spend two-man advantage playing hacky-sack 0-2-0
Kill off two-man advantage 0-3-0
Allow 5-on-3 goal 3-1-0
Taking 30 or more shots 25-21-10
Taking less than 30 shots 10-12-2
Allowing 30 shots or more 26-21-10
Allowing 30 shots or less 9-12-2
100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem 0-1-0
1st of a back-to-back 5-8-0
2nd of a back-to-back 5-6-2
Opponent played night before 6-3-4
Taking more than 5 penalties 3-3-0
Taking 5 or less penalties 32-30-12
Take too-many-men penalty 5-9-1
Keith takes a penalty 6-10-4
Toews takes a penalty 12-4-3
Kane takes lazy offensive zone penalty 5-5-1
Kunitz takes a penalty because he sucks ass  1-2-0
Manning takes a penalty because he sucks more ass  1-5-0
Seabrook takes a penalty 6-3-1
 Murphy takes a penalty  10-3-3
Coach Q needlessly juggles lines into messy goo 2-1-0
Coach Q grinds Keith into the ground

Under Jeremy Colliton

Colliton juggles lines into messy goo

Collition grinds Kane into the ground

 0-0-0

29-27-9

3-10-2

7-9-2

At least 1 fight in 300 Level 0-0-0
No fights in 300 Level 17-14-7
Playing Central Division 13-7-4
Playing Pacific Division 6-13-5
Playing Flortheast Division 9-6-1
Playing Metrosexual Division 7-7-2
Playing in October 6-4-3
Playing in November 3-8-2
Playing December  6-8-1
Playing in January  3-4-3
Playing in February 9-4-0
Playing in March 7-5-2
Playing in April 1-0-1
Get obliterated on faceoffs 15-17-7
When even close on faceoffs 20-16-5
Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!” 27-23-10
Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D during 4-on-4 0-1-0
 Konroyd fills in 4-5-0
Pat Foley tells boring anecdote for way too fucking long 15-17-7
KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF WITH TREE-TIRTY-TREE! 6-3-0
Ice Crew comes out on the ice at the wrong time 0-0-0
Member of Ice Crew hilariously falls on her ass 0-0-0
Hawks correctly get rid of the ice crew 0-0-0
Leading after 2 periods 22-1-1
Losing after 2 periods 5-22-7
Tied after 2 periods 8-9-5
In overtime 9-11
In shootout 3-1
Nazi-sympathizing Wife-Beater drunkenly stumbles around United Center 1-2-0
In 1-goal games 20-9-12
In 2-goal games 4-9-0
In 3-goal games 8-9-0
In 4+ goal games 3-5-0
Scoring more than 3 goals 22-6-1
Scoring 3 goals or less 13-27-11
PA plays St. Vincent 0-0-0
PA fucking plays 3’s and 7’s 0-0-0
PA plays TOOL!!!!!! 18-14-7
PA plays PJ Harvey 0-0-0
PA plays Gin Blossoms 0-0-0
Seabrook fights 0-1-0
Martinsen fights 0-0-0
Toews fights 0-0-0
On CSN 19-20-9
On WGN 8-10-2
On NBCSN  8-1-1
On NBC 2-1-0
Samuelsson interviewed before 3rd 0-3-0
Dineen interviewed before 3rd

Barry Smith doesn’t know how headphones work

Sheldon Brookbank stares blankly and says nothing

4-1-2

2-6-3

5-8-1

 

Updated 4/4