Go Home! Hawks Record When…

Hawks Record When…

’18-’19

Playing at home 6-6-4
Playing on road 4-12-2
Scoring first 8-1-4
Opponent scores first 2-17-2
Jesus freaks are protesting outside UC 0-0-0
Playing on a Monday  0-0-1
Playing on a Tuesday  1-2-0
Playing on a Wednesday  2-3-0
Playing on a Thursday 2-5-1
Playing on a Friday 0-1-2
Playing on a Saturday 4-4-0
Playing on a Sunday 1-3-2
Are out-muscled by opponent 1-12-2
Outshoot opponent 5-7-2
Are outshot by opponent 4-10-4
Patrick Kane scores

Patrick Kane looks like he couldn’t give a flying fuck

7-3-1

1-12-3

Jonathan Toews scores

Toews and Kane score

5-6-3

3-0-1

Artem Anisimov scores 1-5-0
KNEEL 3-3-1
Alex Fortin shits himself on great chance 5-10-1
Dylan Sikura looks like anything 1-0-1
Jokharju scores  0-0-0
Nick Schmaltz scores  Dylan Strome scores 0-3-0
Kahun scores 0-0-1
Duncan Keith scores 0-0-0
Duncan Keith sends shot into shins or glass 10-18-6
Top Cat scores 5-1-3
Brent Seabrook is allowed to play through concussion for no reason 0-0-0
Brent Seabrook plays as if concussed 4-10-1
Brent Seabrook scores 3-0-1
Brent Seabrook is scratched

Gustav Forsling scores

Eddie O bitches about analytics

1-0-0

0-1-0

7-14-5

Scoring a Power Play goal 5-5-2
Not scoring a Power Play goal 5-13-4
Power Play makes Baby Jesus cry 6-13-3
Allowing a Power Play goal 5-12-3
Not Allowing a Power Play goal 5-6-3
Scoring a short-handed goal 2-1-0
Allowing a short-handed goal 0-1-1
Score on two-man advantage 0-0-1
Spend two-man advantage playing hacky-sack 0-1-0
Kill off two-man advantage 0-1-0
Allow 5-on-3 goal 0-0-0
Taking 30 or more shots 6-11-6
Taking less than 30 shots 4-7-0
Allowing 30 shots or more 6-12-5
Allowing 30 shots or less 4-6-1
100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem 0-1-0
1st of a back-to-back 2-6-0
2nd of a back-to-back 2-4-2
Opponent played night before 1-1-3
Taking more than 5 penalties 1-1-0
Taking 5 or less penalties 9-17-6
Take too-many-men penalty 2-6-1
Keith takes a penalty 2-7-2
Toews takes a penalty 5-0-2
Kane takes lazy offensive zone penalty 2-3-1
Kunitz takes a penalty because he sucks ass  1-1-0
Manning takes a penalty because he sucks more ass  1-5-0
Seabrook takes a penalty 2-3-1
 Murphy takes a penalty  0-2-1
Coach Q needlessly juggles lines into messy goo 2-1-0
Coach Q grinds Keith into the ground

Under Jeremy Colliton

Colliton juggles lines into messy goo

Collition grinds Kane into the ground

 0-0-0

4-12-3

1-6-0

0-3-0

At least 1 fight in 300 Level 0-0-0
No fights in 300 Level 3-3-3
Playing Central Division 4-4-2
Playing Pacific Division 1-8-2
Playing Flortheast Division 2-3-1
Playing Metrosexual Division 4-3-1
Playing in October 6-4-3
Playing in November 3-8-2
Playing December  1-6-1
Playing in January  0-0-0
Playing in February 0-0-0
Playing in March 0-0-0
Playing in April 0-0-0
Get obliterated on faceoffs 7-11-4
When even close on faceoffs 3-7-2
Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!” 8-15-6
Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D during 4-on-4 0-1-0
 Konroyd fills in 2-2-0
Pat Foley tells boring anecdote for way too fucking long 8-13-6
KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF WITH TREE-TIRTY-TREE! 3-2-0
Ice Crew comes out on the ice at the wrong time 0-0-0
Member of Ice Crew hilariously falls on her ass 0-0-0
Hawks correctly get rid of the ice crew 0-0-0
Leading after 2 periods 5-1-0
Losing after 2 periods 2-13-3
Tied after 2 periods 3-4-3
In overtime 4-5
In shootout 0-1
Nazi-sympathizing Wife-Beater drunkenly stumbles around United Center 1-1-0
In 1-goal games 5-5-6
In 2-goal games 2-6-0
In 3-goal games 3-3-0
In 4+ goal games 0-4-0
Scoring more than 3 goals 7-2-1
Scoring 3 goals or less 3-16-5
PA plays St. Vincent 0-0-0
PA fucking plays 3’s and 7’s 0-0-0
PA plays TOOL!!!!!! 6-6-3
PA plays PJ Harvey 0-0-0
PA plays Gin Blossoms 0-0-0
Seabrook fights 0-1-0
Martinsen fights 0-0-0
Toews fights 0-0-0
On CSN 4-10-5
On WGN 4-7-1
On NBCSN  2-1-0
On NBC 0-0-0
Samuelsson interviewed before 3rd 0-3-0
Dineen interviewed before 3rd

Barry Smith doesn’t know how headphones work

4-1-2

0-4-2

 

Updated 12/15