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Hawks Record When…

’17-’18

Playing at home 12-10-3
Playing on road 12-10-4
Scoring first 17-6-4
Opponent scores first 7-14-3
Jesus freaks are protesting outside UC 0-0-0
Playing on a Monday 1-1-1
Playing on a Tuesday 4-2-0
Playing on a Wednesday 3-3-2
Playing on a Thursday 3-4-1
Playing on a Friday 3-2-0
Playing on a Saturday 7-4-1
Playing on a Sunday 3-4-1
Are out-muscled by opponent 4-14-2
Outshoot opponent 13-16-0
Are outshot by opponent 11-4-7
Patrick Kane scores

Patrick Kane looks like he couldn’t give a flying fuck

10-4-3

4-8-2

Jonathan Toews scores 7-4-2
Artem Anisimov scores 7-3-1
KNEEL 9-0-2
Lovechild of Bossy and Tocchet scores 4-1-1
HART-MAN scores 3-4-0
Hossa has leprosy 24-20-7
Nick Schmaltz scores 6-4-1
Hinostroza scores 4-1-0
Duncan Keith scores 0-0-0
Duncan Keith sends shot into shins or glass 24-20-7
Top Cat scores 10-2-1
Brent Seabrook is allowed to play through concussion for no reason 0-0-0
Brent Seabrook plays as if concussed 18-15-6
Brent Seabrook scores 1-2-0
Brent Seabrook is scratched

Gustav Forsling scores

1-0-0

3-0-0

Scoring a Power Play goal 13-5-3
Not scoring a Power Play goal 11-15-4
Power Play makes Baby Jesus cry 14-19-6
Allowing a Power Play goal 7-11-6
Not Allowing a Power Play goal 17-9-1
Scoring a short-handed goal 2-2-0
Allowing a short-handed goal 1-2-2
Score on two-man advantage 1-0-0
Spend two-man advantage playing hacky-sack 1-2-0
Kill off two-man advantage 1-0-1
Allow 5-on-3 goal 1-0-0
Taking 30 or more shots 17-15-5
Taking less than 30 shots 7-5-2
Allowing 30 shots or more 11-10-6
Allowing 30 shots or less 12-8-1
100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem 2-2-0
1st of a back-to-back 4-3-3
2nd of a back-to-back 3-6-1
Opponent played night before 6-5-0
Taking more than 5 penalties 3-6-2
Taking 5 or less penalties 21-14-5
Take too-many-men penalty 2-2-1
Keith takes a penalty 2-4-2
Toews takes a penalty 7-6-1
Kane takes lazy offensive zone penalty 3-5-1
 Wingels takes a penalty  6-4-1
HART-MAN takes penalty 4-6-2
Seabrook takes a penalty 4-2-2
 Murphy takes a penalty  2-1-1
Coach Q needlessly juggles lines into messy goo 10-10-4
Coach Q grinds Keith into the ground 1-1-1
At least 1 fight in 300 Level 0-0-0
No fights in 300 Level 12-10-3
Playing Central Division 6-7-2
Playing Pacific Division 5-5-2
Playing Flortheast Division 6-3-3
Playing Metrosexual Division 7-5-0
Playing in October 5-5-2
Playing in November 7-4-2
Playing December 6-5-2
Playing in January 6-5-1
Playing in February 0-1-0
Playing in March 0-0-0
Playing in April 0-0-0
Get obliterated on faceoffs 14-13-5
When even close on faceoffs 10-7-2
Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!” 5-3-2
Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D during 4-on-4 0-1-1
 Konroyd fills in  15-13-5
Pat Foley tells boring anecdote for way too fucking long 6-5-1
KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF WITH TREE-TIRTY-TREE! 4-2-0
Ice Crew comes out on the ice at the wrong time 0-0-0
Member of Ice Crew hilariously falls on her ass 0-0-0
Hawks correctly get rid of the ice crew 0-0-0
Leading after 2 periods 15-0-2
Losing after 2 periods 3-16-2
Tied after 2 periods 6-4-3
In overtime 5-6
In shootout 0-1
On Heritage Nights 1-1-0
Nazi-sympathizing Wife-Beater drunkenly stumbles around United Center 5-2-0
In 1-goal games 8-4-7
In 2-goal games 4-7-0
In 3-goal games 12-9-0
In 4+ goal games 3-2-0
Scoring more than 3 goals 15-2-0
Scoring 3 goals or less 9-18-7
PA plays St. Vincent 0-0-0
PA fucking plays 3’s and 7’s 0-0-0
PA plays TOOL!!!!!! 12-10-3
PA plays PJ Harvey 0-0-0
PA plays Gin Blossoms 0-0-0
Seabrook fights 0-0-0
HART-MAN fights 0-3-0
Toews fights 0-0-0
On CSN 13-11-5
On WGN 8-5-1
On NBCSN 3-3-1
On NBC 0-0-0
Samuelsson interviewed before 3rd 9-12-4
Dineen interviewed before 3rd 14-4-2

 

Updated 2/2