Go Home! Hawks Record When…

Hawks Record When…

’18-’19

Playing at home 13-10-6
Playing on road 11-15-3
Scoring first 17-6-6
Opponent scores first 7-19-3
Jesus freaks are protesting outside UC 0-0-0
Playing on a Monday  0-2-1
Playing on a Tuesday  4-4-0
Playing on a Wednesday  2-3-1
Playing on a Thursday 6-6-2
Playing on a Friday 2-1-2
Playing on a Saturday 6-4-1
Playing on a Sunday 4-5-2
Are out-muscled by opponent 1-17-3
Outshoot opponent 10-10-2
Are outshot by opponent 12-15-7
Patrick Kane scores

Patrick Kane looks like he couldn’t give a flying fuck

15-5-4

2-15-3

Jonathan Toews scores

Toews and Kane score

12-6-4

6-0-1

Artem Anisimov scores 3-5-1
KNEEL 7-5-2
Alex Fortin shits himself on great chance 5-10-1
Dylan Sikura looks like anything 7-3-2
Jokharju scores  0-0-0
Nick Schmaltz scores  Dylan Strome scores 2-5-0
Kahun scores 2-3-2
Duncan Keith scores 2-1-0
Duncan Keith sends shot into shins or glass 24-25-9
Top Cat scores 11-6-5
Brent Seabrook is allowed to play through concussion for no reason 0-0-0
Brent Seabrook plays as if concussed 8-16-4
Brent Seabrook scores 3-0-2
Brent Seabrook is scratched

Gustav Forsling scores

Eddie O bitches about analytics

1-0-0

1-1-0

11-16-7

Scoring a Power Play goal 16-9-5
Not scoring a Power Play goal 8-15-4
Power Play makes Baby Jesus cry 6-13-3
Allowing a Power Play goal 11-17-5
Not Allowing a Power Play goal 13-8-4
Scoring a short-handed goal 3-1-0
Allowing a short-handed goal 0-1-1
Score on two-man advantage 1-0-1
Spend two-man advantage playing hacky-sack 0-2-0
Kill off two-man advantage 0-3-0
Allow 5-on-3 goal 1-0-0
Taking 30 or more shots 18-13-8
Taking less than 30 shots 7-12-1
Allowing 30 shots or more 19-18-8
Allowing 30 shots or less 6-7-1
100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem 0-1-0
1st of a back-to-back 5-6-0
2nd of a back-to-back 4-5-2
Opponent played night before 5-2-3
Taking more than 5 penalties 2-3-0
Taking 5 or less penalties 22-22-9
Take too-many-men penalty 5-6-1
Keith takes a penalty 6-8-3
Toews takes a penalty 9-4-2
Kane takes lazy offensive zone penalty 3-5-1
Kunitz takes a penalty because he sucks ass  1-2-0
Manning takes a penalty because he sucks more ass  1-5-0
Seabrook takes a penalty 5-3-1
 Murphy takes a penalty  8-3-3
Coach Q needlessly juggles lines into messy goo 2-1-0
Coach Q grinds Keith into the ground

Under Jeremy Colliton

Colliton juggles lines into messy goo

Collition grinds Kane into the ground

 0-0-0

18-19-6

2-8-1

3-5-1

At least 1 fight in 300 Level 0-0-0
No fights in 300 Level 8-9-6
Playing Central Division 10-4-3
Playing Pacific Division 3-10-3
Playing Flortheast Division 4-6-1
Playing Metrosexual Division 7-5-2
Playing in October 6-4-3
Playing in November 3-8-2
Playing December  6-8-1
Playing in January  3-4-3
Playing in February 5-2-0
Playing in March 0-0-0
Playing in April 0-0-0
Get obliterated on faceoffs 10-13-5
When even close on faceoffs 14-12-4
Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!” 20-20-9
Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D during 4-on-4 0-1-0
 Konroyd fills in 3-2-0
Pat Foley tells boring anecdote for way too fucking long 11-15-7
KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF WITH TREE-TIRTY-TREE! 5-2-0
Ice Crew comes out on the ice at the wrong time 0-0-0
Member of Ice Crew hilariously falls on her ass 0-0-0
Hawks correctly get rid of the ice crew 0-0-0
Leading after 2 periods 14-1-1
Losing after 2 periods 3-18-5
Tied after 2 periods 7-6-4
In overtime 7-8
In shootout 1-1
Nazi-sympathizing Wife-Beater drunkenly stumbles around United Center 1-2-0
In 1-goal games 11-7-9
In 2-goal games 3-6-0
In 3-goal games 8-6-0
In 4+ goal games 2-5-0
Scoring more than 3 goals 14-4-1
Scoring 3 goals or less 9-21-8
PA plays St. Vincent 0-0-0
PA fucking plays 3’s and 7’s 0-0-0
PA plays TOOL!!!!!! 13-9-5
PA plays PJ Harvey 0-0-0
PA plays Gin Blossoms 0-0-0
Seabrook fights 0-1-0
Martinsen fights 0-0-0
Toews fights 0-0-0
On CSN 14-15-6
On WGN 6-7-2
On NBCSN  3-1-1
On NBC 2-1-0
Samuelsson interviewed before 3rd 0-3-0
Dineen interviewed before 3rd

Barry Smith doesn’t know how headphones work

Sheldon Brookbank stares blankly and says nothing

4-1-2

2-6-3

3-3-0

 

Updated 2/15