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Game #69 – Coyotes vs. Hawks Preview/Subway Platform Singalong: If You’re Gonna Insist

By Sam Fels March 11, 2019 0

vs. RECORDS: Coyotes 34-29-5   Hawks 29-30-9 PUCK DROP: 7:30 TV: NBCSN Chicago THEY CALL THEM THE DESERT DOGS: Five For Howling The Hawks are going to tell you they’re not done yet. They are, but we’ll excuse them if it makes doing their jobs easier if they believe it’s for something. So with the Yotes […]

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It’s Not a Cage if You’re Feeling Like a Resident – Hawks 1, Coyotes 4

By Rose Rankin October 18, 2018 0

You don’t need me to tell you what was important about tonight—but I will anyway, it was Corey Crawford coming back. And despite what the score was, he looked just fine. It was the usual suspects being the pieces of crap that they are that led to the loss, but you don’t need me to […]

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Stan Bowman Clears Sand Out Of His Eyes, Drool From His Face, And Makes A Move

By Sam Fels July 12, 2018 0

Finally, something. Thank you John Pullega for taking the Fels Motherfuck into new places and spurring something resembling action from the Chicago Blackhawks. There’s a lot of flotsam in this trade, so here are the exact details: The Hawks send Marian Hossa’s corpse and contract, Vinnie Smalls, Jordan Oesterle, and a 2019 3rd rounder to […]

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Friday News Dump/Contract Signings

By Sam Fels June 15, 2018 0

Generally on Friday afternoon is when anyone that has bad news to announce will release it, figuring most will miss out as they’re on their way home for the weekend and media departments are depleted. The signings of John Hayden and Vinnie Hinostroza to contract extensions aren’t exactly that, as they’re not bad news, but […]

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Well Pilgrim, Not Until You Eat The Peanuts Outta My…-FFUD’s Player Reviews: Vinnie Smalls Or The Secret Weapon?

By Sam Fels May 10, 2018 0

I haven’t made much of a secret about what I think Vinnie Hinostroza is and what he could be. There’s more here than we’ve seen, and I fear there’s more than even the team thinks. Let’s tease it out here. Vinnie Hinostroza 50 games, 7 goals, 18 assists, 25 points, 10 PIM, +5 53.7 CF%, […]

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Well Pilgrim, Not Until You Eat The Peanuts Outta My… – FFUD’s ’17-’18 Player Reviews – Victor Ejdsell or I Am Not A Gun

By John Pullega May 4, 2018 0

In running himself out of town by means of his performance and (allegedly) his mouth, Ryan Hartman turned into a late first-round pick and the towering Victor Ejdsell. Ejdsell impressed in his NHL debut, lining up between Saad and Kane to the tune of a 51+ CF% and three shots on goal. Then he sort […]

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Why’d They Hang Them So High? Perhaps In The Hopes It Would Make Them More Dead

By Sam Fels April 9, 2018 0

As Hess put it, our nightmare is over. The Hawks season has come to an end, and now they get the maximum amount of time to pick up the pieces, dust for prints, perform the tests, and try and diagnose and then prescribe. They certainly can’t complain the schedule will be too crunched to figure […]

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Game #77 – We’re Pretty and Sick, We’re Young and We’re Bored– Hawks 3, Sharks 3 (Sharks Win Longest Toenail Clipping Launch)

By John Pullega March 26, 2018 0

Box Score Hockey Stats Natural Stat Trick The outcome may not have gone the Hawks’s way, but that was the most exciting game I’ve watched since the first two. There’s more than enough to take away from this one, so let’s get to it. – We’ll start with Victor Ejdsell. For a guy whose first […]

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And You May Ask Yourself, Well, How Did I Get Here – Hawks 3, Islanders 1

By Rose Rankin March 24, 2018 0

Box Score Natural Stat Trick Corsica It’s a pretty sad commentary on the season when holding on to beat a bottom-feeder after being eliminated from playoff contention is the best we can muster, but hey, here we are. To the bullets: –With Toews out and nothing really of consequence to play for (pride? Does that […]

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Game #72 – The Blarney Stone Brings A Tear To Me Eye – Hawks 3, Sabres 5

By John Pullega March 17, 2018 0

Box Score Corsica Natural Stat Trick Kent O’Brockman once said that on St. Patrick’s Day, “Everyone is a little bit Irish, except of course for the gays and the Italians,” which is why you’re stuck with me for the wrap of this horseshit game. Let’s get to it and keep it brief, as there’s drinking […]